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LAGOON BLOWS!!!

July 15, 2009

BLOWS

Nothing quite says “Lagoon … it’s what fun is” like standing in a long line, on a hot day, listening to vocabulary words like “dirty diaper, incontinence,” and “diarrhea.”  This is exactly what one can expect to hear from an excessively loud PA system when purchasing a tube from Lagoon-a-beach.  Not exactly the images you want floating around your head  forcing you to imagine all the rear-ends that are submerged in Lagoon-a-beach’s attractions.

Lagoon-a-beach was built in 1989 to replace the gigantic Lagoon swimming pool, since that time they have made several changes to this section of the park such as, removing the mounted water guns, shutting down a wave effect in the lazy river, shutting off a waterfall effect in the pool, adding more turns to slow down the speed slides (now named not-so-speed slides), and most recently filling up the three hot tubs with rocks.

LONG LINES & small THRILLS

Lagoon consists of three slide towers and offers four different slide experiences.  First,  the not-so-speed slides have an equally not-so-speedy line.  It takes about two minutes per person in each line because of the poor design and working order of the slide; two lines exist, however, the speed of one line relies on the speed of the other, as they both drop riders in the same pool.  WEAK!

line

The second type of slide is a tube only ride, which consists of a slide, pool, slide, pool, etc., called “The Outrigger,” or as we coined “The Out-rigor Mortis” on account of the freezing cold water.  This slide provides a fast moving line and when compared to all else Lagoon-a-beach, or Lagoon in general, has to offer it is a fantastic ride!

The other two types of slides are the body slides and tube tunnel slides, which provide as many thrills as a cold bath.  Skip these slides, they aren’t worth the plastic the slide is made out of.

The one place in Lagoon-a-beach that doesn’t have a line?  … the concession stand.  The lack of line may be attributed to the poor food quality, outrageous prices, or the images of diarrhea introduced at the beginning of the day.

Bottom line- Skip it until Lagoon gives Lagoon-a-beach a much needed make-over.

Plus- Beware of the sharp rocks that line the bottom of the lazy river and kiddie area … genius idea Lagoon, GENIUS!

hot tub

LAGOON it's what fun is

LAGOON it's what fun is

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. Ali Gulbransen permalink
    July 28, 2009 8:17 PM

    Yes…I agree with every statement of this article! Lagoon-A-Beach seems fun when you’re standing in line in scorching weather waiting to ride the rides at Lagoon. But you quickly change your mind once you hear “Please do not swim if you have had diarrhea anytime within the past two weeks”! Yes, for some reason that doesn’t make me to excited to jump into the lazy river while my body is drenched in the possible disease filled water. So instead of floating in the nasty water, how about some rides. Well enjoy the walk up to the top of the slides with the dirty brown water and collected used band aides on the ground. It wasn’t on my itinerary to get any diseases today, but ya know…apparently “that’s what fun is”! You have to pay the price! And you definitely pay the price to rent a tube for $5 to stand in a forever long line…No, that’s not my idea of what fun is. I will give them some credit though…The Outrigger ride is a pretty enjoyable water ride! Just don’t get any water in your mouth!!

  2. T Bag permalink
    August 30, 2009 11:07 PM

    Lagoon.. is what fun isn’t. IS that what your trying to get across in this article.

    • volitionmag permalink*
      August 31, 2009 3:30 PM

      That all depends on what your definition of “fun” is. I, for one, believe that your sentence “Lagoon … is what fun isn’t” more accurately depicts Lagoon than what their slogan “Lagoon, it’s what fun is!”

      I think Lagoon’s slogan might be correct if Lagoon’s management thinks it is fun to listen to a recording about diarrhea and filling hot tubs with rocks; by Lagoon’s management’s definition of fun, sure, Lagoon is what fun is.

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