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Frightmares; “The Man’s” interpretation of a Haunted House.

October 20, 2008

Bo-ring!!!  If you put some of the lamest people you know in a room and had them come up with a Haunted House the result would be Lagoon’s Frightmares.  You know the dorks I am referring to, they are the ones that thought “Hackers” was the greatest movie ever, they are the ones that still quote Seinfeld in everyday conversation, they are the ones who still say “your mom!” when it doesn’t even make sense.

Can you get any closer to “the man” than Lagoon?  I can think of few things more irritating than spending three hours in a line with “Lagoonies.”  Lagoonies are much like Carnies.  They often sport Tazmanian Devil shirts and unicorn tattoos.  They have sporadic facial hair and shave the under part of their hair.  They can carry on long conversations about which is better for the price, Pabst Blue Ribbon or Keystone Light.  Riveting!

Honestly, I got so used to standing in line I didn’t even realize I had already gone through the “Haunted House.”  They did the best the could by using old amusement park attractions.   WATCH OUT!!!  Oh good, that haunted bumper car almost got us.

Do yourself and your family a favor.  Avoid Lagoon.  Even if you ditched the Houses and went for a ride it was crazy busy.  It was like “Dawn of Lagoonies.”

Bottom Line:  Over-priced, Over-hyped, and more-than annoying.

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. Dayton permalink
    October 24, 2008 8:17 AM

    This has been the most accurate and truthful review you’ve done yet!

  2. Dayton permalink
    October 24, 2008 8:20 AM

  3. Leslie permalink
    October 28, 2008 3:24 AM

    I went this year for the first time and wasn’t really impressed. My group only went through one haunted house, because it wasn’t worth waiting in line for an hour and then being taunted, not scared, by the actors. We were pretty lucky at the end of the night when we were able to get on rides like the colossus (I am not sure how to spell it), the spider, and music express with practically NO line. If it wasn’t for the free tickets I was able to score for me and my roommates, I definitely wouldn’t have gone. In other words, if you don’t have free passes, save your money and go to Lagoon during the regular season or go to Nightmare on 13th.

  4. Joshua Crlile permalink
    November 11, 2008 5:11 PM

    I will take offence from that review. i worked there and i felt we were perty good. also rember we are a family based set of haughted houses. also alot of us are 14-17 and seasonal, for some it was their first time working ever in a real work place. and my facial hair is none of your concern, when im not at work i do shave the under side of my hair, so what, i try to be unique. your not god, so you have no right to say we were boring. as a mater of fact i got atleast 20 people a night to start crying. if you think you have the right to talk shit about one of my favorit workplaces, and park in general, you better tell lagoon its self. and if you feel nightmare on 13th can do a better job, then say they can, and dont try to mess with lagoon.

  5. volitionmag permalink*
    November 11, 2008 6:17 PM

    First … I am not surprised your e-mail has the words dragon, magic and master in it. HA! HA! (it really does) Incredible.

    Second … shaving the under side of your hair is not unique when 90% of Lagoonies and people in Layton do it. You are a product of your environment. And that is OK.

    It’s over man! Halloween is over, Lagoon is closed. So next year put down your Pokemon cards and try again, and try the year after that and the year after that.

  6. December 7, 2008 11:43 PM

    Heyy I think I was pretty damn good in those houses I scared the shit out of everyone or atleast made them laugh but you have to look at this way though it wasn’t realy the actors fault that frightmares suck its the people that put it togther the didn’t do a very good job on the rooms I mean a tiny room with spider webs on the wall is not scary but the actors try hard and they know when people come through they’re not really scared because of how lame it looks but the most of us atleast made people laugh their asses off

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