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Water World; Denver, Co

September 15, 2008

The Wave

I can think of no better job than “water park tester,” and this includes, taking into account, “Peeps” taste-tester, double-agent, and “bikini inspector (or Speedo inspector, for the ladies).”

I went to Water World with three fellow water park enthusiasts, and we tried to embody the mind of a “water park tester.”  We asked every operator, lifeguard and deckhand lackey we encountered “what ride has the highest thrill-factor?”  They looked perplexed;  we explained that it would be a rating of one to 100, one being the dullest and 100 being the most exciting or the most “thrill” one can experience on a water slide (it isn’t impossible for an attraction to have a thrill-factor of 101, but it does require “a floater” in the exit pool).

If Water World were a video game it would likely receive an “E” for everyone rating.  Water World’s themed tube-rides like their “Lost River of the Pharaoh” and “Voyage to the Center of the Earth” were entertaining for children and the early-nineties animatronics induced nostalgia from Disney’s past for adults.

I don’t recommend “The Storm” for those easily nauseated, like if you get carsick while seated backwards in a moving car.  It is a completely dark tunneled tube-ride with, strobe lights, and loud, powerful fans to simulate a hurricane.  I was so gung-ho as we entered the tunnel, shouting, screaming, riding inappropriately and daring the storm to knock me off (think Lt. Dan on “Jenny 1” in “Forrest Gump”).  After about eight feet in the extremely long tunnel, I got the … “bad idea” feeling, my eyes rolled around in my head, while my stomach tried to trade places with my brain.

“The Wave” is the only ride that required skill, thus reducing the length of the line.  It took each of us beginners anywhere from three to twelve times to conquer “The Wave.”  The Key is to hang as far back on the boogie board as possible, dangling your legs in the water, while you push down with your arm into the wave and steer with your other hand.  Locals were dominating it; doing 360’s with ease, barrel-rolls, and stalling on the top of the platform.

The Revolution

The Wave

One of many tube rides


Article and Photography by: Chad Phillips

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